It’s been almost a year since I separated from my ex. I’m hesitant to dive into anything too soon, that’s my typical MO and I’m intent on creating a new pattern. A pace somewhere between sloth and snail feels appropriate for my dating life right now. So, I don’t want to speak too soon, or jinx it, but there’s sort of something developing. We’ve known each other forever, in fact I can’t remember a time when we weren’t acquainted. I owe everything to them, they’ve been with me through it all. I just never really looked at them this way before. There were even times when I tried to end it, to be done with our rocky relationship forever. Until I woke up and realized its value, that it was worth saving. I realized the bad times coincided with times I wasn’t taking care of myself, and that the way I viewed our connection had more to do with my perspective than with the actual circumstances. They say you get out what you put in, and this relationship is no different. I’ve started appreciating the little things and remembering to be grateful for the small moments instead of expecting grand gestures or waiting around for a miraculous sign. I’m making an effort to spend more quality time without the ever present distractions of modern life. I pay attention, smile more, give compliments freely, accept the little flaws, and laugh at the funny things they do every day, things I used to ignore or even get irritated by. And it’s working. I’ve noticed more little winks lately, and I’ve been finding lots of lucky pennies. I’ve gotten more in touch with myself, my sensuality and what I need. I’ve been more vocal about asking for things and making my intentions clear. I’m learning to balance effort and ease. Relationships take work, but they also can’t take themselves too seriously. That wisdom definitely applies here. I’m focusing on having fun, doing what needs to be done, trusting that the rest will all work out, taking it slow and appreciating every moment I have to spend with my newest/oldest love. So if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to flirting with my biggest crush, my ride or die, my BAE for all time–my life!
March 4, 2017