Erin Marie Yoga

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“A gentleman at the bar would like to buy your next round,” the bartender tells me. She leans close and whispers, “The guy behind me in the black shirt.” I glance over…

Click here for the whole essay, published on Sivanaspirit.com!

I was there

In the room

When you left

The vessel remained

But I knew

You were gone

My first home was in that body

But without you it was nothing more

Than an abandoned building

I didn’t know where you went

People kept asking if I felt your presence

“No,” I said angrily. “She’s dead.”

And my heart shut down

I went to the place they put you

That strange filing cabinet of discarded flesh had no trace of you

You always hated funerals

I should have known you wouldn’t hang around there

For a long time you were lost to me

My soul boarded itself up

“Closed for repairs” it said

I had looked everywhere

In churches and worship halls

In books and memories

But still you eluded me

I finally gave up

She’s gone for good

God isn’t real

That’s it

Then I started working on my heart

Chipped away at the concrete barriers I had built

Pried the wooden boards from the doors of my soul

Slowly

Painfully

Methodically

Until finally

It opened again

And there you were

Had been all along

Waiting patiently

For me to come home

I don’t give a fuck how many holiday cookies you ate. Tell me about when you swallowed your pride and asked for help.

I couldn’t care less about how many times you went to the gym. How often did you go outside of your comfort zone to try something new?

The size of your gut doesn’t interest me in the slightest. Show me your guts by opening up and being vulnerable.

I don’t want to know what it says when you step on the scale. What does it say about you when you step into your power?

I could give a shit about how tight your ass is. How tightly do you hold a friend in need of comfort?

That thigh gap doesn’t interest me at all. What are you doing to close the gap between who you are inside and who you are around other people?

Please don’t go into the details of your new fad diet with me. Instead share the details of your dreams and how you’re going to accomplish them.

Forget those stretch marks on your skin. Show me how quickly you can stretch your outer layers and grow into a bigger and better person.

Instead of shedding the extra pounds, what if you lost the criticisms, judgments, and negative self-talk you picked up last year?

Don’t let the matter of which you are made determine how much you matter in this world.

I watch the sun and wait.

As you approach my leaves unfurl.

Shall I spin some slippery sentiments that you’ll slide down my throat upon,

Or set a hair trigger trap to snap shut when you tickle my fancy?

Tempt you with a colorful object, dangling delectably, beckoning you down a one way street,

Or draw a bath of sweet nectar for you to sink into, leaving only bubbles behind?

I slowly digest each word you say, gorge on the giddy energy you give, swallow your smile whole.

Satiated, I turn my face to the sun again

And wait.

Rivers & streams & oceans of thoughts flow across the terrain of my mind

wearing grooves deeper than the Grand Canyon

Ruts, patterns and old ways of being get entrenched in the landscape of my consciousness

Just like Patanjali said,

Yoga is the calming of the whirlpools of the mind

Calming the rapids so I can see clearly what lies beneath the surface

Fat lazy fish of thought are easier to catch in still waters